This included a lawyer, lots of paperwork, two home visits by a social worker, a court date, and almost a year of our lives. That’s why, to ensure my rights, we had started the process of second-parent adoption prior to the birth.
(The same courtesy was not given to two fathers.) More than 25 states did not recognize this document. At the time, New York allowed me, “the second parent,” to be listed on the birth certificate. As the officiant said the words, “by the power vested in me by the state of Connecticut,” I cried (an ugly cry that does not look cute in wedding photos). When I got married in 2009, I had to plan two weddings, a wedding in New York for my friends and family and the ceremony in Connecticut, where gay marriage was legal at the time.